Experiences Can Be Too Similar And Memories Hard to Swallow (Loralynn/Fallon 9/18 mid-morning)

[Loralynn Drake]

The news had been shocking when she'd heard it! Loralynn couldn't believe that anyone would attack her sister! Fallon was beautiful and sweet, the kind of woman who cared about everyone around her. Why in Avskar's name would someone think to do her violence? As soon as she hear the Severne's had arrived, Loralynn had sent word to her sister that she would visit on the morrow to convince herself that Fallon was alright. The sun was already high as she made her way to the Severne's chambers. Loralynn wanted to ensure that Fallon had time to rise and dress, and thought a late morning tea would be a good time for the two to catch up.

Now they were sitting upon the balcony of Fallon's chamber, a light rain keeping the air cool. The overhang kept them dry enough, although the mist felt refreshing given the sweltering heat that had blanketed Vadra for most of the summer. "With the exception of your leg, really, you can hardly tell. You will still look beautiful when you stand beside the King and become his wife. I can't believe your wedding is approaching so fast!" Her words were true enough. There was still a light scar on her sister's forehead, but Fallon's hair mostly covered it. She wanted to ask the details, who had done this to Fallon, but Loralynn wasn't sure how to broach the subject or if the memory would be too difficult. Loralynn had her own memories of an attack that still haunted her...

[Fallon Sterlyn]

She had known that her feelings upon seeing Loralynn would be more than pure elation. But that didn't seem to describe it well enough. Her happiness was such that she very nearly burst into tears, and perhaps one or two slipped. She held her tea in her hands, but for the most part, the drink was ignored. All she cared about was catching up with her sister. It felt so familiar, so wonderful. For a moment, she could forget about the events that would no doubt haunt her for a time to come. Even if that moment was brief, she was grateful to the comfort that Loralynn provided. How she had missed her sister... She knew she had, but she never could have realized how much until now.

Fallon looked down at her leg and frowned. "As I've said many times before, the thought of hobbling around at my wedding does not sit well with me. I had so been looking forward to taking part in the dances and other festivities. No, I fear the men in my life will see to it that I spend as much time as possible seated so as not to risk further injury. I suppose you'll just have to have enough fun to make up for my handicap... I expect plenty of dancing from you," she said. She took a moment to think of how fast time had flown by. It did seem like she had more time. With the attack, to be honest, it had seemed the wedding was years away. Now it felt like it had snuck up on her. "I can hardly believe it myself," she said in a dreamy voice. Though, she did hold back a bit. Loralynn would probably wonder how she had warmed so quickly to Alrik... The truth was, Fallon could not explain it. Since she could not... she rather hoped she wouldn't be asked to.

"And you? I sincerely hope you have been well. Do tell me everything," she said almost giddily.

[Loralynn Drake]

"Let's hope you'll be healed by then," Loralynn offered, "You have three more months for the break to mend. Surely with Alrik's physicians you'll be right as rain before your big day. Oh Queen of the entire Kingdom! No one deserves that more than you Fallon." Loralynn could not picture someone more perfect for royalty than Fallon. Her sister was more noble, more beautiful, and more elegant than either of the Sterlyn Princesses, and she would make for a queen the realm could lay their troubles on and feel secure that Fallon cared. For much of her younger life, Loralynn felt herself better than the Severne; she'd grown up knowing that Castells were better by leaps and bounds. But over the years, as the two lived under the same castle and became close friends, Loralynn's opinion of her new family changed. Especially her opinion of Fallon Severne.

She shook her head, "Tell Alrik you insist he take you to the floor. You'll be fine, Fallon. You're stronger than any woman I've ever known. And to marry the King!" Loralynn swooned around like a love-stuck girl, but the grin on her face was enough to show she was teasing her sister to no end. "How lucky you are!"

She sighed softly when the conversation shifted to herself. "Things have not been quite so good with me, Fallon. You know I was to wed Jean Tristan. Or did I even tell you? It was so uncertain when I left Alska, that I didn't spread it around. My Aunt Blanche convinced Victor it was right for the family, but he was never happy with the arrangement." She went on to tell her sister about the horrible things she saw, the tears she'd fought hard to control over the last few weeks returning as she released the story for only the second time. Lexington knew the truth, but no one else, and she trusted her brother wouldn't slip the words to another soul. And then she spoke of how she'd slapped Celeste to make Victor break the arrangement, and the horrible fight that she and Victor had had the following day.

"Please don't tell a soul. Only my brother knows the whole truth, and I couldn't bear if the truth got out. You know how we stuck-up Castells cherish our pride and..." The Ashpools would certainly shoot arrows through her heart if they had that ammunition.

[Fallon Sterlyn]

"I'm trying not to allow my hopes to raise to high," she said honestly. "For if by the time the wedding rolls around, I'm still in this condition, at least it won't be as great a disappointment." She fought the blush that threatened to stain her cheeks when Loralynn gushed. At least there didn't seem to be any anti-Sterlyn sentiments in her words. Fallon could not speak to the rest of Alrik's family. She would form her opinion of them later. "I just hope I can do a good job," she said. "King Alrik assures me that I will, that I'll make a wonderful queen, but at the same time, I cannot help but wonder if I really will make the people of Forsilvra proud to have me."

She giggled at the mental image of Alrik spinning her around with her cast still on. Her laughter continued on at her ribbing, but she really didn't mind. It felt good to be laughing with Loralynn. Like old times, she felt. When Malic was alive and things were easier. "I certainly do feel lucky... But that wasn't so not too long ago. And I fear this isn't quite as over as I'd like it to be. I do wish they'd end these ridiculous trials. One man has already died because of me..."

Fallon's eyes fixed on Loralynn, growing angry on her sister's behalf? Did he not realize how lucky he was to find himself engaged to somebody like Loralynn? To squander it like she was just some commoner or banner lord's cousin. She was a Castell! Cousin to a Province Lord. A man like Jean Tristan was indeed fortunate to have been assured such a match... And now that he'd blown it, it was unlikely he'd ever do as well for himself again. "Perhaps it was for the best," she said, her tone soft. She couldn't believe that had happened to her. "That fool does not deserve you if he could so easily slide a knife into your back."

She reached out to take Loralynn's hand. "Your secrets are always safe with me. I would never dream of telling another soul."

[Loralynn Drake]

"And you were always the positive one, Fallon!" Loralynn laughed and squeezed her sister's hand. "And here I am reminding you that you're not one for being down." Her face was serious for a moment, as she turned to look Fallon in the eyes. "Are you really ok? I mean, I hate to ask you to remember, but why? I don't understand who would ever want to hurt you." Loralynn knew it couldn't be the same person who'd gone after Malic. He was dead, executed shortly after, no longer alive to wield the weapons that had done this. She tilted her head in thought, "Fallon, anyone who even thinks to hurt you deserves to die. Anyone who would consider it." Loralynn swallowed hard. No one should hurt her sister. No one should hurt a Severne!

"He doesn't deserve me and he's stupid, but that's not the worst of it. Victor has already thought to betroth me to another man. I'm like a piece of property to him, I suppose, although he must feel he did enough to let me choose one possible husband and I gave that up, although he doesn't know I did it willingly." She told Fallon what she'd done to Celeste. Loralynn almost felt bad for using the princess that way, but Celeste often asked for it. Or Loralynn had always believed that to be so. Victor hadn't ever cared before how they'd talked to her. Only recently he'd become all uptight, expecting his family to suddenly bow to her.

[Fallon Sterlyn]

She laughed for a moment, but the conversation turned serious once again. "I'm... I will be fine. I put on a brave face, but I have no need to pretend with you. I still have nightmares about it. One moment I was tending to my horse, the next I'm fighting to survive. I should have died. The way he beat me... If Kaedon hadn't come along when he had..." Her faced blanched just thinking about it. "I put on a smile for my brothers, and for King Alrik... But I still hurt... And it still haunts me. Though, Loralynn, I wish I could explain it better to you what happened. It seems like one big, fatal misunderstanding... The truth will soon come to light, I am sure of it." That and though she loved Loralynn, she did not want the truth about Rhiannon coming out sooner than it had to.

"Nobody deserves you," she said, wholly believing that. "It would take a near perfect man to be worthy of your hand." She was shocked at that. "Already? To who?" She listened in surprise as she explained what happened with Celeste. "To be honest, I'm not convinced I would not have done it that exact way," she said.

[Loralynn Drake]

Loralynn shuddered at the thought, but Fallon's words brought on a rash of memories for Loralynn. It had been more than a year since the garden attack, but Loralynn remembered the moment like it was yesterday. She'd been a few seconds from death herself and she knew the fear Fallon had felt. Except, Fallon hadn't seen her attacker coming. Loralynn had. Did that really matter in the end? Fear was fear and near death was near death. Neither had died, but that didn't change the fact that Loralynn lived every day with the pain and the guilt of that moment. She closed her eyes trying to compose herself, but in the end the tears began to fall.

"Fallon, you're more right than you know. No one deserves me at all." She turned to look at her friend. "No one deserves someone like me in their lives. And I don't deserve you as a sister and Malic didn't deserve me as a wife." She pushed herself from her chair and turned sharply away from her sister. To admit to herself that Fallon was a far better person than she'd ever be was easy, but to say it aloud was difficult for the proud Castell woman. Without another word, she rushed from the balcony, slamming into Kaedon Severne halfway through the room.

[Kaedon Severne]

Kaedon needed to talk to his sister. He needed to talk to her immediately. The guards outside had informed him that Loralynn Castell was in the room as well, but he'd make himself annoying until she decided to leave. Striding across the bedroom, he barely noticed the streak of dark brown hair until the body collided with him at full force and they both tumbled to the floor. "What the?" He questioned with surprise as he pulled Loralynn off him. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I'm sorry," came the short reply and then Loralynn was pushing herself to feet and rushing from the room. Kaedon watched her curiously, before getting up. "Fallon?" he called out, heading for the balcony Loralynn had come from. "Are you out here?"

[Fallon Sterlyn]

What was this? Gods, Fallon had not meant to be so oblivious. Surely talking about her own attack must have touched a nerve with Loralynn. How could she have been so insensitive to her dear sister. When she saw the tears in her eyes, Fallon could have sworn she nearly stopped breathing. Loralynn was one of the strongest women she knew... She knew it took a lot to make her cry. If her leg were only better, she'd already be on her feet going to embrace her. Instead, she wasted time by reaching for her crutch.

"I didn't mean..." Loralynn had completely twisted her words, but not because she was determined to take offense, but because she whole-heartedly believed in them. That in itself was problematic. "Loralynn! That's not true!" she insisted, but was not certain if the words even fazed her. "Loralynn, please!" She forced herself up to hobble after her, but gasped when Kaedon appeared out of nowhere and was slammed into. She hurried to try to help her to her feet, but Loralynn was quicker than she was, and she was gone before Fallon could do or say anything.

She stared after her for a moment until Kaedon's voice shook her from her sad reverie. "Oh... yes, Kaedon. I'm here," she said miserably. She forced a smile when she saw him. It wasn't that she wasn't happy to see him, but how could she feel any joy after seeing her sister in such obvious pain?

[Kaedon Severne]

Kaedon pulled his sister into a hug, careful not to jolt her too much. She was healing well, but the scars were still there. "What just happened? Loralynn flew out of here like her dress was on fire. I though you two were close?" From what he remembered, in all the years Loralynn had lived with them, she and Fallon had been friends. Kaedon had chosen not to bond much with his brother's wife, but anything involving Fallon always caught his eye.

"Come on, you should sit back down and rest." He knew she'd resist being pampered, but Kaedon still felt like the protective big brother. "And I need to talk to you anyway. I have something to tell you about."

[Fallon Sterlyn]

She returned his embrace, a little more forceful than she'd originally intended, but she knew he wouldn't mind. Kaedon had always been a source of strength and support for her, and even in the slightest of actions, she drew resolve from him. "I- I'm not sure," she said, looking back to where she'd last seen Loralynn. "I wish I knew... I shall find out, surely." Of that she was certain. She would give her time to calm down, compose herself, and sort out her thoughts, but Fallon was definitely going to have to confront her about what caused such an outburst.

"I am tired of resting," she said. She meant it, but she kept her voice light. Taking her seat, she looked over at him and smiled serenely. Though her thoughts still lingered on Loralynn, judging by the tone of Kaedon's voice, this was going to demand her full attention. "Oh? What about?"

[Kaedon Severne]

"I hope you do. I know you two are close." Kaedon helped her back out on the balcony and waited for her to sit before her joined her. "And you might be tired of resting, but you made me promises about this trip. In my mind they didn't end just because you got off that ship. Theodoric wouldn't be any more pleased if you hurt yourself here than while traveling." But he smiled at her all the same, and reached over to squeeze her hand. He understood, even if his words were still strict. Fallon was as much of a free spirit at times as he. Neither had let the confines of the castle walls hold them in as children, and he hadn't been surprised when she'd broken through it as an adult.

Kaedon's gaze shifted out toward the west, the rolling plains of Sanka stretching out before them. He'd debated over and over in his mind about coming clean to his sister, and now was the time to ask her to return the favor she now owed him.

"I know you know that I don't love Ara-Lynn although she's my wife. And I know you know about the way I've often spent my time in the past when it came to women. But.. now.. Fallon, I swear on Desideria herself, I've fallen in love with a woman who I'd gladly give up everything to spend the rest of my life with. I never thought it was possible... and yet I swear it happened. Except, her brother would never consent to a wedding. I can't bear to lose her though. If I asked this of you, would you take her as one of your ladies-in-waiting?"

[Fallon Sterlyn]

"I am being careful," she assured him, flashing him a sweet smile as though that would help to convince him. She overturned her hand to clasp her fingers around his hand and gave a squeeze of her own. "I have my own reasons for making sure I don't set my injury back, so believe me when I say that I'm doing everything I can to ensure that my leg heals quickly and right." With any luck... she'd be walking without a crutch soon. Maybe they could replace the bulky cast with something else... Or better yet... Decide she didn't need it at all.

Deep in those thoughts, she'd almost missed that her brother was staring off. It wasn't the same expression he had when he daydreamed. They sharpness in his eyes told her that there was much on his mind, and squeezing again, she silently urged him to tell her what was troubling him.

Fallon was rendered speechless for a moment. It was not that she found the concept of her brother falling in love impossible. Quite the contrary. She believed her brother had a great capacity to love. What shocked her was that this had taken her by complete surprise. He'd been in love? For how long? As he went on, she understood why he felt the need to keep it secret, but still wished he had at least given Fallon some clue, but what's done was done. "Who is the woman you speak of?" she asked. It didn't matter. Unless she was a common born scullery maid, chances were Fallon would agree to his request.

[Kaedon Severne]

She hadn’t said yes, but she hadn’t said no either. Kaedon trusted Fallon explicitly, but the words still tumbled from his mouth anyway. “You cannot tell a soul, Fallon, for her brother would beat her senseless if he knew. We’ve kept things a secret because of him, because he knows what I’m like, because to him, his sister is just goods to barter off. And, well, because I’m wed. I know this affair would be improper in the eyes of the court, but she is the woman for me.”

He took a deep breath, but the expression on his face softened at her name, his lips curling into a smile just hearing the sweet words out loud.

“Rosalie Letalis.”

[Fallon Sterlyn]

"I swear the words uttered here will not be repeated by me, Kaedon," she said, squeezing his hand tighter. It normally went without saying that the words spoken between them were meant only for them, but that he'd made sure to make her promise secrecy only spoke to the seriousness of the issue.

Her face went pale when he mentioned that whoever this woman was, her brother would beat her senseless. Her mind reeled with images of what that might look like. How it would feel for her to have a man's fist slam against her temple or what it'd feel like to be thrown like a straw doll. That fear that came with being helpless, unable to resist. It was these returning and storming emotions that had her snap, "Of course I'll take her as a lady-in-waiting."

Rosalie Letalis!? Her surprise shown through, but she said nothing. She'd already given him her word she'd take her in, and so she would. It did, after all, mean so much to Kaedon. "How is it that my dear brother and best friend in the world could have fallen in love without me realizing it?" she asked in a sweet voice, one that she knew would put his worries about her answer to rest.

[Kaedon Severne]

Kaedon laughed, "We were not speaking while she was here, and after she left I kept my mouth shut. I could not risk any word getting back to Rex Letalis. Even talking about this now is dangerous. The servants and the maids and the walls have ears, and I don't want a soul to breath about this again. I wouldn't forgive myself if he found out, Fallon. He would hurt her, and as much as Rex is my friend, I couldn't stand idly by either. I've made enough trouble for our family; I don't need to make more."

He took her hand and smiled, "You have no idea how much I appreciate this. If she's one of yours, she's removed from Rex, and then..." He sighed softly, "Maybe I can see her more."

[Fallon Sterlyn]

Fallon continued to frown as discussion went on about Rex Letalis. She knew him as well as any would know a Province Lord, but she'd never fostered any feelings of friendship or even fondness for the islander. Actually, it was more of resentment. Rex had been a cad in every way that mattered and was certainly not the best of influences on her brother... But none of those feelings of disapproval compared to how she felt now. As she listened to him speak of him as though there was a reason to fear this man for Rosalie's sake, she felt a hatred burning deep in her core, welling up against her will. She thanked the gods that she was blessed with brothers that would never do harm to her, brothers she did not have to live in constant fear of. "There will never be a need for Rex Letalis to know what I know now. We must never let him hear of this, and I will personally see to it to extricate Lady Rosalie from his home so that she might live safer with me in Solbra."

She returned his smile, her heart feeling rather big just now. "For you, brother, I would do anything, especially if it your happiness in the balance. That she will be safer eases my nerves as well. No woman should ever have to know the pain of a man's fist upon her person," she added as a bitter aside, her eyes trailing out over the horizon.

[Kaedon Severne]

Kaedon leaned over and gave his sister a long hug. He hadn’t expected her to deny him, but her agreement still eased the tension he’d been feeling since the night before when he and Rosalie had made promises in the orchard that he’d had no idea how to keep. Asking his sister for help had come to him the late hours of the night, after tossing and turning and worrying had kept sleep from taking him. He couldn’t be sure the plan would work, but Rex was looking for favor with the Sterlyns and denying Fallon would be frowned upon. And Rosalie was uncommitted to any lord, making her transition to Solbra an easy one. And if Kaedon happened to steal her away to Alska for awhile, Fallon wouldn’t object. “Thank you so much Fallon. I know you don’t even know her, and that it might feel strange to have someone you don’t trust attend you. But this means so much to me.”

He looked at her once more and smiled. “How is it we ever survived that month we didn’t speak?”

[Fallon Sterlyn]

She readily returned his hug, burying her face into his shoulder as she tried hard to ward off the returning memories of Nial's hands on her throat. He thanked her again, but she did not know how to respond to him... At least not right now... Not when she didn't trust her own voice to be steady. Instead, she just nodded and then sat back in her chair. When he smiled, she tried to put one on for him, but it didn't quite work out. Instead, what happened was a broken sob escaped passed her lips and she turned away from him, her eyes filling with unwanted tears.

"Forgive me," she cried, reaching for her handkerchief. "I cannot rightly say. Even now when I need you so much, I don't know how I could have survived a day without you. I'm sorry, Kaedon. I don't mean to be such a mess. I hate that I still cry about it... That whenever I think about that... that man... putting his hands on me... That I feel just as terrified now as I did then. Perhaps I'm not as okay as I thought... But I'm trying to be. Oh Kaedon... I don't know what to do. Everybody expects me to be a certain way. I'm going to be Queen... What if they discover how truly broken I am now? What if Alrik discovers and no longer wants me as his wife?"

[Kaedon Severne]

Kaedon held her tightly, as though she were a porcelain doll. He’d never seen his sister so close to breaking before, even in the days after her attack. He wanted so badly to tell her she’d be alright, but how could someone ever really recover from what happened. “The kingdom will understand, Fallon. You survived. You will stand up and be their queen. And they will love for it. You will understand their pain when they come to you with their requests for help. They will see in your eyes that when they talk about thieves or rapists or killers that you feel their stories and will do whatever you can to help them. They will see you as a queen they can love and trust, because you are no longer someone who has been sheltered from pain. You will be a better queen now, even I don’t think the price was ever worth it. This shouldn’t have been you. Or Rhiannon. I would have taken this... I deserve it. I’ve done more wrong to people than you ever have, or Rhiannon.”

He hugged and pulled back, “But don’t be afraid to cry. Don’t be afraid to let it out. There was a time when I thought my world was ending.” He kissed her forehead. “Father threatened to disown me if I ever asked him about not wedding Nazriael. I felt like her family was more important to him than I was. I felt... broken as well. I still am. But I won’t give up, and you shouldn’t either.”

[Fallon Sterlyn]

She leaned into his embrace, trying to calm her tears. His words assured her more than she could express, but at the end, as he spoke of how he deserved it, she bolted upright and shook her head furiously. "No, Kaedon. We've all of us made mistakes. We've all hurt people. There are many things that we have each done that we should all regret, and things I know that if given the chance, we could take back. But you are not a bad person, and you do not deserve what happened to me either. No Severne does. Oh Kaedon, I'd have been destroyed if it had happened to you."

She returned to his hug, her arms gripping him tight. "I cannot cry as I wish to, sometimes. It would be considered a weakness to many. But here, with you, I can cry." She listened to him as he spoke of her friend, fighting back the tightening in her chest. It did not hurt as it once had, time helping to ease the pain, but on the occasion where her name was brought up, she felt some lingering feelings of loss. "Kaedon... I... I'm sorry," she said, her voice wavering. "I wouldn't want you to give up," she started softly. "You are a Severne... my brother. You are important to this family, and even if Theodoric does not say as much, I know that he feels the same way. We may both be broken, but I think we all are. But... We also all are here for one another... That's what makes our family strong. I'm here for you, Kaedon, just like you are here for me. Neither of just should have to try to repair ourselves alone."

[Kaedon Severne]

Kaedon tightened his hug. “I know you would, Fallon. I found you remember? I know what that feels like and I pray to Avskar I never have to feel it again. I thought you were dead, gone, and even when I discovered you were still alive, you...” his voiced cracked as he remembered, her face bloody, her leg twisted, her body bent and broken. “I didn’t know if you were going to make it. I knew you’d fight, but sometimes fight isn’t enough...”

He kissed her forehead and brushed his hand over her cheek. “We were broken as a family, now I think we’ll fix that. I can’t hate him anymore Fallon. Not after what we went through, not after we both fought for you as a team. He loves you as much as I do, and for that alone I can’t hate him. I know if something ever happened to me, he’d be there for you. He dropped everything, everything, to do what was right for you. He’s a good person, and I was a horrid brother for not seeing that before.”

[Fallon Sterlyn]

She laid her chin on his shoulder, closing her eyes and reveling in how safe she felt. In the days, rather weeks, since her attack, only four men had ever made her feel safe. Kaedon, Theo, Falmek, and the only man who wasn't a member of her family, Alrik. Perhaps a long time ago she would not have felt that way -- But somehow, once she came to a few realizations about herself and her betrothed, he had worked his way up to being one of the few men she trusted and felt secure with... If anything happened to any of them, she would be distraught.

"I... I wanted to die," she confessed again. Of course, he knew that. Her memories of the incident were both scattered and vivid. She remembered so clearly the attack itself, but the events following were hazy at best. However, she did recall the moment Kaedon found her, she remembered him setting her down, and she clearly remembered telling him she didn't want to fight anymore. That she wanted to just lay there and die. "It hurt so much... I just wanted the pain to go away. I knew it wasn't going to... I couldn't bear to think of having to live another moment with such excruciating agony. And then I opened my eyes and saw you... And you gave me a reason to keep going."

She smiled when he said that, glad to finally hear such things, and she hugged him tight again. She'd waited so long to listen to Kaedon speak this way, it just went beyond words how happy she was. "You're not a horrid brother, Kaedon. I don't think Theo ever thought you were, either. You know... He'd be there for you, too."

[Kaedon Severne]

“You’re safe now Fallon. Theo, myself, the King.. we’ll never let anything happen to you again.” He hugged her tightly, unable to let go, no matter how many times he reassured them both. Kaedon nodded at her last words. “Maybe it’s time we all started acting like a family.”