I Don't Even Want to Ask... [4/8, very early morning, Eveline/Lucius]

[Eveline DeLauncey]

The morning was brisk, and the sun had just emerged from behind the hills. Eveline was up far earlier than she was usually, but she hadn't slept very well, tossing and turning among her sheets. Not that Eveline had really slept through the night since -- well, for a while now. But it was worse when she knew one of them... wasn't in the castle. She didn't have to know, consciously... she could just feel it.

And it was easy to guess who, of late.

Her breath was making small clouds in the crisp air as Eveline continued to tug at the girth around her stallion's middle. He nickered, picking up one hoof and pawing at the beaten stable ground impatiently. Her chestnut hair fell about her face as Eveline readjusted the strap, and she took a deep breath, breathing in the heady smell of hay and dust in the air. She loved riding this early in the morning. But there was a bit more purpose to it, now.

[Lucius Kaedon DeLauncey]

When he woke the sun still hadn’t risen over the horizon. The room was dark and the whore was still asleep next to him. She’d fucked him at least three times that night and he done the same to her, back and forth, rolling and tossing and screwing until he couldn’t even remember his name. That’s all Lucius wanted these days. He just wanted to forget.

But every morning the memory rushed back. He pushed the whore’s head, which had been resting on his chest, off onto the pillow. She moaned but didn’t wake, which he was fine with. He’d already paid her anyway; let her sleep the day away. Lucius had half a mind to roll back over himself, but the memories of the guard with the message had also returned. Cassius was likely to be pissed, not that Lucius cared, and Eveline would be upset. That, he realized, he did care about about.

So he rose and dressed and within the next ten minutes was on his horse heading back to the castle. He rode at a leisurely pace, in no rush to face the rest of his family. He had not even made it to the castle gates, when the figure of his sister, also astride her horse, appeared on the road ahead of him. “Eveline,” he said under his breath, then pushed his mount toward hers.

[Eveline DeLauncey]

Eveline had just made it through the castle gates when she saw the sullen form of her brother heading down the beaten dirt road towards her. The breeze picked up, and Eveline clutched her cloak closer to her throat, one hand still gripping the reins. She said nothing, and gave no sign of greeting, but she knew that Lucius saw her. She paused, and then clicked her tongue, urging her ride forward, and then to a sharp left, down off the path, towards the woods. Eveline knew Lucius would follow. As she moved along the thickets, Lucius fell into place beside her, silent. He looked... and smelled, as though he could use a good wash, disheveled, with rings under his eyes. But he could wait. Eveline urged her horse onward, while Lucius kept up, their silence pervasive, but loaded. There was no peace in their solace, together. But Eveline didn't want to speak in their home. Lucius and Eveline had always spent time together in these woods, growing up, making believe of their lives and experiences outside of the stone walls and under the canopy of the sky. Better to talk here.

Finally, as they continued to skirt the perimeter of the woods, leading towards the main dirt paths through the thick foliage, Eveline spoke, her green eyes still fixated forward. "You've got to stop doing this, Lucius," she said softly, her voice strained.

[Lucius Kaedon DeLauncey]

She said nothing to him. Lucius could feel the disappointment radiating off her. As he followed he reached up one hand to comb through his hair, as though he might be able to put each hair back in place. He failed, but he liked that he was trying. Eveline was the only person in the world he ever wanted to try for. Everyone else could just be damned... well, he did love his brothers as well. The twins didn’t judge though, and Lucius never felt he had to measure up to anything to have their respect. Maybe that was why they all got along so well.

When she spoke, he pushed his horse to ride up next to hers. “Eveline,” Lucius replied softly, wishing she would look at him. “I just spent the night away. Sometimes I need to spend the night away.”

[Eveline DeLauncey]

"Away where, Lucius? I didn't realize you had so many close friends outside the Hollows," Eveline said abruptly, accusing, her eyes still fixated forward. She immediately regretted her tone, and cringed to think of how Lucius was probably already withdrawing himself away from her. But she was tired how they played pretend - like Eveline didn't hear the stories told of her brother, as if she didn't know where he spent his nights away. They were a large family, and people know who the DeLauncey children were. Word had reached her, try as Lucius might to keep her protected.

She just wanted his honesty.

Eveline turned her stallion down the beaten path, much more unkempt, heading away from the castle.

[Lucius Kaedon DeLauncey]

Her words hurt. Lucius didn’t know if it was because they were true, or because she assumed that he had no friends other than his brothers, as though he couldn’t be one to obtain friends, but the words hurt. And then she just rode on, as though she didn’t care about the dagger she’d just stabbed him with. He watched her back for awhile, and then kicked Storm to walk on behind her, unable to simply leave when Eveline was mad at him.

“Wait, Eveline. Please,” Lucius sighed. “I was out at a tavern.” He did not need to tell her what he was doing. Either she already knew or she didn’t need to know, and either way that word did not need to be voiced aloud in her presence.

“I don’t understand why you get upset...”

[Eveline DeLauncey]

Eveline wrinkled her nose, trying not to think of the kind of company Lucius was keeping, and the particular abodes that he was enjoying the presence of the less-than-reputable women of the city. She had seen a brothel before, of course - Eveline was always running alongside her brothers, she was bound to face that type of establishment. Her memory was sharp, having been only about thirteen at the time, walking with Rufus through the city, her hand clasped tightly in his, as he was always so concerned his tiny sister was going to be trampled among the cobbles. A woman wearing what could only be described as a bed linen said something to her brother, leaning outside the frame of a doorway, her vivacious red hair unrestrained and shaken about her shoulders. She spoke, and Rufus' face twisted in disgust, and he spit in her general direction. Eveline had been shocked - she had never seen her brother treat anyone with such disrespect.

"You can't keep... disappearing. You know it is hard enough for him when Atticus is gone. He needs us, Lucius. It hurts him, and you know that." Eveline paused, drinking in the look of her brother. Her heart swelled, and she sighed. Lucius understood her, and she him. But something lately had changed. He was pulling away, and Eveline could feel it tangibly, like the horse straining against the reins beneath her fingers.

"I need you," she added lightly, trying to smile. "You can't -- you just -- this isn't you. Do you really enjoy..." Eveline was trying to find the words. "... being this way?"

[Lucius Kaedon DeLauncey]

“Hard for him? Cassius seems to be doing just fine, Ev,” Lucius shot back, and then regretted it. Eveline loved all her brothers, and Lucius knew she didn’t like the strain that existed between Lucius and Cassius. That he refused to tell her why, refused to tell anyone, likely bothered her. And he doubted that Cassius had ever leaked the reason either.

“I’m sorry. I was gone for one night. The only reason he even noticed was because of some letter he wanted to read to the family. Otherwise he wouldn’t have thought twice about me, Ev.”

Lucius swung his leg over the side of Storm and landed with practice on the ground next to the horse. He let go of the reins so Storm could find some fodder among the weeds on the forest floor and moved to take his sister’s hand. “I need you too, Ev. And yeah, I do. I can’t explain why, but there are just times where I need to be alone and away. I’m not always there, you know. Sometimes I just go sleep out in the woods or sometimes I ride all night. The castle has... well... there are just memories that haunt me.” Like Rufus’ bloody body. Lucius wished he could remember his brother for the man he’d been, but anytime he tried that image flashed through his mind. He just couldn’t let it go. Especially because the killer had never been found.

[Eveline DeLauncey]

Eveline was still astride her horse when Lucius grabbed for her hand, which she reluctantly gave, as he stood beside her stallion. The look on his face was imploring, and Eveline cringed.

"It was important, Lucius. You should have been there," Eveline said once more, accusingly. It was hard to stay frustrated with her brother, but sometimes Eveline worried that if she didn't try to get through to him, then certainly nothing would. She clasped onto his hand tightly then, and he helped her slip off her steed, pulling her leg back over the side, landing gently on the soft ground. Her grey skirts swirled about her boots, and Eveline brushed off some dust from the lapels. One hand held loosely onto the reins, while her other remained fast in Lucius' grasp. On the ground, now, he was clearly over her head.

"It's not easy for anyone. But it doesn't make it any easier, wondering where you are, worrying." Her brow furrowed at Lucius' assessment of Cassius. "And I think that's really unfair for you to say, don't you? He cares. Of course he cares, he just has a great deal on his plate right now --" Eveline paused, stopping herself from defending Cassius. Lucius wasn't going to listen - he never did. "It's just... unbecoming behavior. How would you like it if I spent all my time, traipsing about without word?"

"There's to be a royal gathering, Lucius. We haven't had one of those in -- Gods, years. I don't even remember, I was too little - it's not like we've ever been. We haven't even left the Mark in, I don't know, almost six years, Lucius. Don't you see what all this means? It's over." It's finally over... but is it?

"We'll see Jon. We'll see... everyone, Luc. This was important, for Cassius, to tell us, to talk about. It is important for us."

This changes so much, and it hasn't even happened yet. Eveline's thoughts remained guarded, as best they could, but with Lucius it was difficult.

[Lucius Kaedon DeLauncey]

How his sister always managed to make him feel bad, Lucius never knew. Perhaps because he knew she genuinely meant the things she said. Or maybe it was because he had suck strong and vivid memories of their lazy days spent together, innocent, fun, a pack of DeLauncey’s that had little to no cares in the world. And now he didn’t feel part of anything anymore - except that the bond between brother and sister was the strongest he still had.

Lucius helped Eveline down from her horse, and now he was looking down upon her instead of up. In this moment, she seemed so fragile, and he wanted nothing more than to protect her from the true harshness of the world, the same harshness he practically bathed in willingly each night. He wished she didn’t know how he spent his time, but the young wolf hadn’t taken much time to be careful about his comings and goings. When she wasn’t right there to remind him, Lucius blanked on everything and all that mattered was that next drink or that next lay.

“By the time I heard, you wouldn’t have wanted me there anyway, Ev.” But her point was more that he shouldn’t have had to be found. He knew that, but he ignored it.

“I’m not the sort that Cass is going to want to bring to a royal ball anyway.” He reached down and cupped her chin, missing for a moment the days when all they cared about was pretending that they were wolves chasing a deer through the forests in a game of pretend. “Don’t worry about me, Ev. I know how to take care of myself. I know what I’m doing. Worry about Cass if you need to worry. You said it yourself, he’s the one with the full plate. Mine is empty, and I’m happy to keep it that way.”

Yet, she mentioned Jon. And the thought of seeing Jon did make him want to go to this ball...

[Eveline DeLauncey]

"Lucius, you can't be serious. You must attend." She swatted her brother's hand away from her chin, furrowing her brow. Eveline knew that Lucius truly cared about her and was just trying to be affectionate, but sometimes she felt patronized by her bevy of older brothers. To them, this was enough - living in the Hollows, being boisterous and loud, never going far from the thick forests or the rocky coastline. Lucius even said so himself. He was happy just being here, doing whatever it was he did, which Eveline tried not to think about. And she knew they expected her to feel the same... and in truth, most of her life, she did. But over the past year, something had changed.

Every time, before Atticus departed on one of his unannounced disappearances, he left Eveline a note. Sometimes it wasn't a note - sometimes it was just a trinket, a gift, some sort of sign. He never did that for Cassius, but her relationship with the bastard Fitzwulf was different. He understood her sense of abandonment better, her feelings of displacement in a way that her loving and devoted brothers did not. There were times when Eveline could just feel Atticus preparing to leave - there was a look in his eye, a change in his tone. Many times before, she had stayed up all night, trying to catch him before he vanished, like a shadow... but Eveline never caught him. She often questioned why she would do that - Atticus was free to come and go as he pleased, and the family always left his place at their table waiting for him. But sometimes, more often than not lately, Eveline wished he wouldn't just leave her a parting gift. She had begun to wait for the day he'd knock on her door and extend his hand her way.

She was torn between the safety of the Hollows, and it's ability to trap and suffocate those who remained.

[Lucius Kaedon DeLauncey]

He hated that she pushed him away, but in response he dropped not only her chin but her hand as well. He had been serious. Why did she always feel the need to force him to stay close with his family? You’re part of the wolf pack. That was why, but Lucius often felt like he was more like the lone wolf, the one who traveled alone, hunted alone, found his mates and left them. He had grown up as part of the pack; he’d loved being one of the boys. But everything had changed when their leader had been murdered and another had stepped up. Everything had changed.

“I was serious, Ev. But if you really want me to go, I suppose I will. I would like to see Jon again. But the rest of the nobility, you know I could do without. They are just people who think too highly of themselves and want to talk about marriage and who has a better dress on.” Well, maybe that was more the women, but Lucius had no idea what the men talked about. And he had no desire to find out.

“Is everyone else going to be attending? Doesn’t Cass want someone to stay here and watch over The Hollows?”

[Eveline DeLauncey]

His reluctance was frustrating Eveline, along with the incredulous look of her brother's face. He didn't like being told what to do - and he didn't like upsetting his routine. But that was just what was killing her. The day in and day out.

"I don't think any of you even remember what it's like to even be around other people, anymore. This whole family just sinks in on itself -- there is an entire world comprised of other people and yet all you boys do is bar our door even quicker --" Eveline stopped herself, a flush rising to her face, creeping up her neck. She made a fuss of pulling her scarf more tightly around her neck to calm herself, and detract from the fact that she was getting so up in arms about this.

"Everyone is going, Lucius, and that means you and me and the twins. Our entire line would be expected to attend. Uncle Marcellus will stay. You know he doesn't care to move even twenty feet from his armchair, let alone across the sea to the Capital."

[Lucius Kaedon DeLauncey]

Eveline’s word stung. “So you think that being isolated is bad for our family. Or are you just angry with me. Tell me how you really feel Ev. We’ve never held back before. And I’ll tell you how I feel. I miss Rufus. And I have issues with Cass, obviously. And we don’t get along. And we probably never well again. Cass seems intent on leaving me out of... important things. Keeping information he could share with me to himself. And I can’t forgive him for it. I just can’t. We aren’t going to reconcile. So the less time I spend around him, the better for the family. I’m not trying to hurt you.”

He turned away and stared out into the forest. If Eveline couldn’t understand him anymore, could anyone? He didn’t care if he had to walk his path alone, but knowing she supported him meant more than he could explain. But she didn’t. She’d made it clear she disapproved. Of course she does. She wants the best for you, and believes in you more than you believe in yourself.

“I will go. But only because you asked, Ev.”

[Eveline DeLauncey]

Eveline hesitated momentarily before moving towards her brother. Looping her arms around his sides, she pulled Lucius close to her, Eveline's face only coming to his upper torso. He smelled like stale beer and sweat, and Eveline wrinkled her nose - but at least he smelled like Lucius, like something familiar.

"We all miss him, Luc. All of us," Eveline said softly, her voice muffled by his stained tunic. "But that shouldn't tear things apart." It's been three years. Three years, and yet they all still behaved as though it were yesterday that Eveline opened the double doors to -- she blinked, trying to wash away the image. She saw it enough, behind her darkened eyelids. She didn't need to summon it now, willingly.

"Please try. I don't know what is going on between you two but I do know, it hurts me. Please try harder."

[Lucius Kaedon DeLauncey]

Lucius bit his lip as Eveline spoke. It was in these few rare moments between brother and sister that he actually felt guilty for all that he did. Rare, because as soon as she was out of his site he could drown that away and go right back to being the Lucius he wanted to be.

“I’ll go, Ev. I’ll go to this ball and I’ll pretend to act like I care when we’re around people who matter. But when we get back, I can’t make promises. I know that I should let it go, but I just can’t. And I have my reasons. Can’t you understand that?” Couldn’t she try to understand him? But then, Lucius reminded himself, he refused to tell her what he knew. Or what he thought he knew.

He should try harder.... if just for her.

[Eveline DeLauncey]

The corner of Eveline's lips twisted to a reluctant smile. That was the best she was going to get from her brother - but it was enough. She squeezed him tighter to her, and nodded.

"I'm not asking for more, not right now. Just come with us. I think you'll really enjoy yourself. We'll get to see Jon, aren't you excited? We haven't seen him in so long..." But thinking of the King of Westerland made Eveline's thoughts inevitably move to his lesser-known brother but a man who was nonetheless as dear to Eveline as the breath in her lungs. Absently, she wondered where Atticus was, right now, in this very moment.

She wondered if he was thinking of her, too.

[Lucius Kaedon DeLauncey]

She was letting the rest go for now, and for that Lucius was grateful. The last thing he wanted to do was turn on her, to ride right back to the tavern and have another ale at this early morning hour. And Eveline would only be less happy with him.

He smiled at her as she spoke again of Jon, preferring the topic of their northern brother to that of their real one. “I do want to see Jon. And I know he’ll want to see both of us as well. We never did have enough time to grow up together, with what happened... Well, with him leaving.” Lucius avoided mentioning Henry, both because he knew that his sister had never quite gotten over his death and because Lucius had never accepted the man who was supposed to wed his younger sister.

He moved and pulled Eveline into a hug. “And we’ll have fun.” He probably would, especially because with so many people he’d be able to avoid his brother with little issue.

[Eveline DeLauncey]

"We will," Eveline repeated, almost trying to reassure herself as much as she was Lucius. In truth, Eveline was a little nervous. So much had changed since the last time they had left the island, and she wasn't used to being around people who were originally from the Vandermark.

And it was no secret that they were all growing up -- had grown. Cassius would be married within a few months, something they all knew would eventually happen but never really believed they'd see. And yet, here it was, looming in the future. Eveline shivered again, but not from the chill. There were four brothers ahead of her. Surely that had to mean something.

But she was Marcus DeLauncey's only daughter.