A Precious New Acquaintance (Marisee, 5.4)

[Melari Forthwind]

"She's so darling!"

Melari beamed at her niece, hurriedly giving her sister a kiss before stretching out her arms to take the baby girl. It had been a long and tiring journey from Demere to rougher Weallan, but it was worth it to see Marisee again and even more worth it now that she could meet her sister's daughter. The two had been waiting for her, and Mel had leaped from the carriage almost before it stopped moving. She hadn't see Mar in so long, and after all the letters back and forth she was dying to see the baby. Now she was finally here!

"Oh, look how sweet she is." Mel cooed at the baby, bending at once to kiss the tiny face and then lifting her head to beam at her elder sister. "She's going to be as pretty as her mother. Hello, Tegan, hello --" Back to cooing. "I'm Auntie Melari and I've brought you lots and lots of presents because I love you so much! I am going to spoil you. Yes I am."

Another kiss, then Mel smiled at the mother. "I've brought presents for you too. It's been so long."

[Marisée Forthwind]

Marisée had been unable to contain herself all day. The carriages of her sister, Melari, had been spotted in the late morning rolling down the road toward Caerderwen Castle. She hadn’t seen Melari in so long, with the pregnancy keeping her from traveling home; the pregnancy and of course her duties as a married woman. But she didn’t mind those. Tristan was a good husband who had been pleased with her thus far.

So she was already outside, holding Tegan, when Melari’s carriage appeared beneath the towering gate. She was already at the side as her sister was opening the door. And as Mel stepped out and bent to kiss Tegan, all Marisée could think was that she was lucky to have such a wonderful little sister.

“It’s she beautiful? I can’t believe how much she smiles already! For being so young.” Tegan appeared to be appraising Melari with her blue eyes, as though the child was already deciding if this was a women she could trust.

With her free hand, Mar reached out to hug her sister. “I’m just so glad you’re here. It’s been too long. Come come, they’ll take your luggage to your room. I had Griff set up a meal for us. Tell me about the trip? I haven’t been out of this castle in months.”

[Melari Forthwind]

"The most beautiful," Melari agreed, unable to resist poking a finger at the babe and watching with delight when little Tegan seized it. "She's so perfect! Look at those itty fingers and toes; those big blue eyes. And you're right, she has such a bright smile. Oh, gods help me, I think I'm in love." Mel gazed adoringly at the little girl, not even bothering to hide her admiration. "This little cherub has a new worshiper at her shrine. I can't believe I had to wait two whole months to see her!"

The younger Forthwind pouted, but she laughed and leaned into her sister's hug. "I'm glad I'm here too. I've missed you, Mari...so very, very much. Home just isn't the same." As a matter of fact it was lonely. "The trip? Well, it was long and bumpy and hot and cold by turns, but since there's a meal set out for us that gives me time to come up with a good story about my encounter with pirates sailing over the ford. And actually I kept my sketchbook so there might be some good true stories in there...I met a lot of interesting people on the way and I'll remember better if I can look at my notes."

The girl glanced at Tegan again, her eyes showing both curiosity and wonder as they stepped through the doors and out of the sunlight. "...Did she hurt you very much? Her birth?"

The weeks leading up to that had been terrifying. Melari had gotten very, very little sleep until a letter arrived that triumphantly detailed the glories of her newborn niece, at which point she'd promptly collapsed.

[Marisée Forthwind]

“Yes she’s perfect,” Marisée beamed. She thought the same. “And you best be in love. She is your first niece!” Tegan wiggled her arms a bit and then started to fuss, her mouth moving to nibble on her mother’s dress. Mar laughed lightly.

“Well now that you’re here, I hope you plan to stay awhile. You’re welcome here as long as you like. Bryn is a sweet lord, a good man. And Tristan would be happy to have you.” They entered the small dining hall and just as she’d said, there was a meal. “Let’s sit and eat and I’ll feed Tegan and then you can hold her. She’ll probably sleep, but she looks just a little goddess when she’s napping. She’s precious.”

Marisée moved to take a seat as the servants poured them both a cup a tea. “I had them make chamomile. It’s relaxing after that long trip. I remember all those days I used to make it for you at home. I do miss those days, Mel. I like being wed and I love being a mother, but sometimes I wish we were back at home, playing in the gardens or reading stories to each other.” She looked back down at Tegan, thinking of Mel’s question.

“Yes, it hurt very much. But I hardly remember now. There was a lot of crying when the contractions came, but I wouldn’t take any of that back. I think Anka makes it painful, so we’ll appreciate them more when they come into this world, but then she makes us forget. Either that or they are just so wonderful you can’t help but focus on them and not the ordeal you just went through to bring them into the world.”

She kissed the top of Tegan’s head and then reached to pick up her cup of tea. “Eat, I know you must be famished! It’s hard for me while holding her, so I’ll wait until you’re done and then pass her over and I can eat.”

[Melari Forthwind]

Mel beamed beatifically at mother and child, delighted Tegan's fussing. "Aww, she's hungry."

Melari bounced to the table with a laugh and a shake of her head, sinking down to a chair with her eyes still alight. "Of course I'm going to stay a while. I've missed you, and I adore Tegan, and I love holding sleeping babies. They're so sweet and soft. I could do it happily for weeks."

The girl reached for her tea with a smile and nod of thanks to the servants, gently blowing away the steam before lifting the cup to her mouth and taking a sip. It was good, and relaxing as Mari had said, but it wasn't quite the same. "I miss those days too."

She was more serious, now, the smile fading into a distant look. "I was so unhappy at your wedding. I was worried for you, partly, but also for me... it was one thing if you were married, but you were going so far away. We're lucky to be in the same province but anything short of the same city is too far. I have no one to talk to."

She hadn't meant to complain, and regretted the words almost at once, but they'd been weighing on her heart for so long. Melari started on the meal with a quiet nod, not wanting to think about her beloved sister being hurt -- not even by something as sweet and precious as Tegan. It was awful.

[Marisée Forthwind]

“I love holding her, but I won’t lie and say I’m not looking forward to sharing the task. She’s precious, but having two hands to do things with is nice as well. And I know I could have one of the chambermaids hold her, or the woman who miwifed for me, but it’s just not the same as family. Blood is thicker than money, at least I still believe that.”

Marisée took another sip of her tea, frowning at the look on her sister’s face. She had known that Mel hadn’t been excited about her marrying, and that they would be apart, but they’d grown up knowing that. And just because it was some distance between their cities, didn’t mean they wouldn’t be able to communicate. “I didn’t realize you were that unhappy, Melari. I know being apart isn’t as good as being together, but we still write often, and I know Tristan will let me go home to visit you when Tegan is a bit older.” She set down her tea cup and reached over with her free hand to rest it on Mel’s arm. “I’ll always be here if you need me.”

[Melari Forthwind]

"She's darling," Mel pointed out, tearing her eyes away from the baby's face in order to look at her sister. "I bet a chambermaid or the midwife would love a chance to hold her for a little while. AND it would let you rest, AND I won't be here forever. Babies are tiring." She grinned, then, impish. "If it really bothers you to give her over, you should make Tristan hold her."

The meal was delicious, and Melari took several bites before pausing to answer Marisee. It was a serious topic, and she guessed one that might not make sense without the proper explanation, but what to say?... "It's not the same."

She sighed. "All my life you were my closest friend, and you still are, but there's no one else to help fill the empty space. I'm trying to make friends with other girls but everyone falls short of you, and I'm just going to have to get married and leave anyway. It's very lonely."

[Marisée Forthwind]

“I’m sure they would,” Marisée laughed. After all, who wouldn’t want to hold a bundle of love as cute as Tegan. And really, she had no reason not to trust them with her child, but for some reason she felt a strange possessiveness when it came to Tegan. She’d hardly even let Tristan’s family hold the baby, which was rather silly, considering they were all Kyffins. And Melari was right. She wouldn’t be able to go forever without help. “But you’ll be staying awhile, and when she’s a little older, I know I’ll be more trusting. She’s just so tiny right now. I never imagined she would be so small!” And she had already grown quite a bit since the day she was born.

Marisée gave her sibling a look of concern. “I know it’s not the same, Mel, but you still need friends. They don’t have to compare to me. No one should be compared to a sibling anyway. Just find someone you can trust to talk to about things. And when you wed and move away, you should look to do the same there.” Marisée couldn’t claim she’d done the same, but she had Tristan, and now Tegan, and she didn’t feel entirely out of place in Weallan. Just a litte.

“I wish you could just wed Bryn and end up here too.”

[Melari Forthwind]

"She is tiny and precious and perfect." Melari cooed over her plate at the fussing baby, deciding that she could try to coax her sister into sharing a little later. She didn't want Marisée to end up one of those new mothers shutting out their husbands and in-laws because of over-adoration for a baby; she didn't want her sister to go through an uncomfortable patch when nobody was happy to be around Mother Dearest. But Mari was letting her hold Tegan, at least, so maybe that was a good start. Besides, they were both hungry.

Mel quickly took a few more bites of the meal, trying to hurry so her sister wouldn't have to wait too long. But Marisée's talk of weddings and friends made her blush, and the girl paused to shake her head. "I don't want to wed Bryn. I don't want to wed anybody, yet. I'm too young."

[Marisée Forthwind]

Tiny. Precious. Perfect. All the same words that Marisée had thought when Tegan had been born. She wasn’t surprised her sister had come to the same conclusion. They had so much in common in how they thought and acted, that they would describe a beautiful baby in the same words simply made sense. In fact, such moments made Marisée realize how much she missed Melari: that single mindedness that they had always been growing up.

Marisée pushed the thought away. They were adults now, or at least she was and Mel would soon be. There was no sense in letting nostalgia run away with her brains. “Mel, I was seventeen when I wed Tristan. You aren’t too young. Maybe you just don’t feel ready. I can understand that. But it’s not so bad to be a wife. There are,” she blushed, “Perks. And then of course there is the sweetness that is Tegan.”

[Melari Forthwind]

Mel looked at her sister, then, blue eyes serious. "You were seventeen then, yes. I'll be seventeen in a week. But just because my body is old enough to carry children doesn't mean that my soul is. It's on the inside that I'm too young." She sipped at her tea, a slight frown wrinkling her brow. "Not feeling ready, I guess that's right...but that doesn't make it any less legitimate. I'm not old enough."

She tilted her head, not liking where this conversation was going. Marisee was blushing. "Perks?"

[Marisée Forthwind]

Marisée nodded to her sister, “I do know how you feel. Growing up, becoming a wife and a mother and a lady isn’t easy. Sometimes I miss life being more carefree and easygoing. Running out into the gardens with you or just playing a game of hide-and-seek. But you are going to grow up, and when you do get married you won’t feel ready. When you do get pregnant, you’ll be scared. I was. It’s natural. But I’d never go back either.”

She looked down at Tegan for a moment, blushing slightly. She had brought up the perks, and she had no trouble speaking to her sister, so Marisée wasn’t entirely sure why she’d felt the need to look down. Maybe because she knew that her sister would be uncomfortable with the topic, and Marisée hated making Melari feel uncomfortable.

But then, it probably needed to be said.

“Yes. Perks. In the bedroom,” she finally coughed out, looking back up at Mel.

[Melari Forthwind]

"Oh."

That was all Melari could think to say for a long moment. Part of her was still rebelling against her sister's assurances that she wouldn't be ready; just because she had felt the same way didn't make it right. What was so wrong about waiting until she did feel ready, anyway? Why did no one think it a problem to force children into adulthood the way Mari was insinuating marriage did? And why were they talking about this?

The new subject was making her grumpy. Ordinarily Melari would have blushed, but right now she was too annoyed. Instead she narrowed her eyes. "Maybe. If your husband is young and handsome and good; if you both care for each other ...if you want each other that way. You've been fortunate but I might not be and anyway it seems humiliating."

Mel was half-tempted to slam her teacup on the table and storm out, but Tegan was burbling at her and Marisee wasn't trying to do any harm. Even so, her voice came out a little more firm than its usual wont. "I don't want to marry just yet. And if I can help it, I'm not going to."

[Marisée Forthwind]

Considering all they had in common, Marisée was often caught off-guard when they disagreed. It happened so rarely, and Marisée wondered if there wasn’t more behind Melari’s words than what was being said. After all, when they were little, they would play grown-ups, or talk about cute boys and what it would be like to be a mother. Was that so much easier because they were too young for it to be a reality? Or had something else happened to turn Melari off to the idea of marriage and family?

Was it her?

Marisée sighed softly. “We don’t have to talk about this Mel, but if you are betrothed you’ll wed, whether you like it or not. It is the way of the world, especially after the plague, when children are so precious now. Wouldn’t you rather go into it as prepared as possible?”

She paused and then continued, “Or... is something else bothering you?”

[Melari Forthwind]

"I'd rather not go into it at all." Mel sulked, pushing her plate away. Suddenly she wasn't hungry. "I don't like people using me; I don't like being forced to humiliate myself with a complete stranger in order to make babies that could kill me. I'd be thrilled to marry someone I cared for already but I don't want to be given to a stranger, not unless I knew that he was going to be very special. I hate thinking about it. It makes my stomach knot."

She scowled, glaring at the table. "I don't want it yet."

[Marisée Forthwind]

Marisée looked down at Tegan for a moment, using tending to the baby’s needs as her excuse to avoid replying. She didn’t understand why Melari was so opposed to the idea. It wasn’t as though they hadn’t known from children what their role would be.

Finally she looked up. “Then we’ll put off this conversation, Mel, but who else but me is going to tell you everything you need to know? Mother is gone; she’s not coming back. But I know if she were here, she would be telling you the same thing. No one wants to be given to a stranger, but I doubt she knew that much about father before they wed. She came from Ahestere, not Caelain. Still, if you’re so bothered…. Have you said anything to father?”

[Melari Forthwind]

"No." Tears were stinging her eyes, hot and sharp, and Mel wished for nothing more than that they wouldn't fall. She was with Mari now; she was supposed to be happy. "He made you marry Tristan when you weren't ready. Why would he do anything special for me?"

And Mother was gone. At the end of the day that was the worst of it -- Melari loved her sister but she wanted her as a sister, not a second mother. Mother was her mother. Mother wasn't here and she wasn't coming back.

A tear fell, slipping down Mel's cheek to splash into her tea.

[Marisée Forthwind]

Marisée saw the tears forming in her sister’s eyes and she worked to move her chair closer to Melari. She wanted to hug her sister, to tell her it would be alright. But how could she know? The truth was that Melari’s future was in their father’s hands, and her sister was right... Marisée hadn’t been ready, but she’d accepted her new role as an eldest daughter of a high ranking banner house should.

She’d never cried over the decision her father made. And once she’d met Tristan she had easily grown to like him. But what if Mel wasn’t so lucky? What if she hated her husband? What if she couldn’t have children?

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, leaning over to wrap an arm around Melari. Tegan was between them, and the little baby opened her eyes to look up at her aunt. “The future is always uncertain, and there is no sense in worry over what you cannot control.”

[Melari Forthwind]

Melari moved into the embrace, finding comfort in her sister's familiar warmth. Now matter how distressed she was, Marisée could make her feel better -- not with promises or even words, but just by keeping her close. There wasn't really a solution for this problem. Mari couldn't do anything to actually fix things, but her embrace was enough to slow the tears. Tegan helped, too. The moment the baby opened her eyes, there was a gasp...and then Melari had taken her very gently into her arms, and was staring into endless pools of blue. "...Oh..."

Mel looked at Tegan for a long moment, then smiled and held her a little more tenderly. "I do worry about what I can't control. If I could control it I wouldn't be afraid. But you two..."

She swayed, rocking Tegan softly back and forth. "Maybe it won't be so bad, if a child comes who can look at me like that. She touched my heart with her eyes."

[Marisée Forthwind]

“She is the best part of my life,” Marisée smiled, letting of her daughter so that Melari could hold her for awhile. She turned back to the food she’d neglected and allowed herself to enjoy a moment baby-free. Tegan seemed content with her aunt and Mar needed a break - Mel was right about that. And neither could change the future or what their father might decide, but both could be there for each when the time came.

“Either way, Mel, when you need someone to talk to about all that, I’m here for you.”

She finished her food and then pushed back her chair. “Do you want to carry her? I want to show you were you’ll be staying while you visit.”

[Melari Forthwind]

The maid gave her sister a quiet smile, settling baby Tegan against her shoulder as she stood. "I would love to carry her. She's too sweet -- and I guess it's better to carry her before she gets much bigger, right?"

With any luck she and Marisee wouldn't need to speak about men and marriage again for a good long while, but all the same Melari was grateful that her sister was willing to guide her in their mother's stead. It wasn't always easy. But it wasn't easy for Mar either. Both women missed their mother's presence, and Melari always admired her sister's strength. She'd lifted a heavy burden as well as anyone could.

"Mar?" Mel looked back, then scuffed her toe once and lowered her eyes. "...Thanks."